"Without a college education, I could, clearly, never hope to become a writer; would never acquire the skills which would enable me to conquer what was thought of as an all-white world. This meant that i would become a half-educated handyman, a vociferous, bitter ruin, spouting Shakespeare in the bars on Saturday night and sleeping it off on Sunday."
-James Baldwin(1924-1987)
rants. raves. random thoughts. my font just changed spontaneously. kinda scared. i'm really just doing this to get my mind off what i'm supposed to be doing. i think i'm just trying too hard and it's causing a block. once i get some words on the screen in some form then the words i really need to write sort of just end up flowing. i woke up late again today. but its okay. i just missed half an hour of economics. i don't really learn anything in that class anyway. a bunch of shit i should know, but don't really feel like learning. other people can learn it and i'll pay them to handle that aspect of life for me.
a lot of people dream of their dreams coming true. they hope and wish and pray and beg for their life to turn out like they want it to. they think maybe if they work hard and do things by the book, everything will fall in place for them. maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe someday.
suckers. i know it's going to happen for me.
that's another thing. i hate it when people do things by the book. i hate it when people know the rule book by heart. i hate regulations, boundaries, limitations and constraints. i hate it when people think that there is only one way to achieve a goal. to get somewhere. to live life.
by the book is boring. predictable. expected.
and if that ever becomes me, please shoot me.
I've always enjoyed making something appear out of nothing. A God complex maybe?
Who says it's a complex?
what i should be doing is writing a paper. what i should be doing is defending individuality in the face of social trappings. what i should be doing is reading up on the history of theatre. what i should be doing is analyzing how the fantastical, religious, and supernatural elements in 'Angels in America' effect the film as a whole. what i should be doing is figuring the necessary steps to transfer to a university as soon as possible.
what i should be doing is whatever it is i'm doing at this very moment.
i'm comfortable. i'm happy. i'm okay. i like myself. i mean that. i'm an optimist posing as a realist enjoying the cynical in the world.
i'm not a serious grown up mature person. i tried. i don't know how to do that shit.
i'm me. me. me. me. me. me. me.mememememe. and i like me.
apparently, other people do as well. i'll take that.
sometimes i rant and rave about non-sense that sometimes make sense, in a sense. and i sense that my words will make me dollars and cents. and since i'll have millions of cents, nothing i say will have to make sense. people with no sense will pay dollars and cents to have my words in their residence so they can impress their so-called friends by making sense out of my non-sense, so you're welcome ladies and gents.
lately. lately. lately.
lately i don't know what's been going on. what am i typing? what's happening? sometimes i want to pack up, break my phone, withdraw the bank account and disappear. that would probably be fun. but then i'd get bored about a day into it, start wondering if anyone is wondering where i am and say fuck it and go back. and i'd feel very silly about breaking my phone. anyway, whatever. ranting and raving.
oh if you only knew how many things i typed and deleted right about now.
